More Hell, Fewer Dahlias: The Musings of a Radical Feminist.

We Get Blamed

Posted on: February 15, 2010

So, we outlined the idea of a rape schedule. Now, what happens when we don’t follow that rape schedule?

Let’s revisit my roommate: “Who gets in the front seat of a cab?”

When we don’t follow the schedule, we get blamed. We get told it is our fault for walking there, for being drunk, for wearing a skirt, for dressing like a slut, for being easy, for not screaming loud enough, for not knowing better, for any possible thing imaginable. It is our fault that we were assaulted.

Now, let’s try to fix our questions, friends.

Who assaults women? Really, who waits in dark alleyways? Who acts like they’re going to walk a woman home and then turns on her? Who is that violent? Who is that much of a pig? Why would someone think they could do that to someone else?

Those are the questions that should be asked.

So next time you get a safety announcement, or are told about  or read about yet another violent act targeting a woman, stop and think about who you’re going to assign the blame to. Because we’re taught to assign the blame to the victim, people. We’re taught not to ask “what kind of man does that?” but “what kind of woman walks home/wears a skirt/is out at night?” And you know what kind of woman does any and all of those things? You. Me. Our friends, sisters, neighbors, girlfriends, mothers.

Do you know what kind of man does that? I hope not. Hopefully it isn’t our brothers, friends, fathers, and boyfriends. But it has to be someone’s brother, friend, father, or boyfriend. Scary thought, isn’t it?  Maybe that’s why we ask victim blaming questions. Oh yeah, we’re taught to by the patriarchy and all that, we’re taught to hate ourselves and to blame ourselves. But maybe, the idea that we’re hanging out with people who respect women so little is a hard thought to deal with.

Start holding attackers and rapists accountable.

Ask, “What sort of man does that?” or “I don’t want to believe he raped her.” instead of “What sort of woman wears that?” and “I don’t believe her.”

Call people out. “She was so drunk man, when we woke up she freaked out but I was just like, what, you were into it last night after those tequila shots!” or  “She said no, but we’d done it earlier, so whatever! She enjoyed it in the end!” That’s rape. And those are conversations I’ve actually heard while on college campuses.  Call those people out. Make sure you’re safe, but raise awareness. Say, “I’d freak out too.” or “I’d file charges as well.” And if nothing is being done, contact the people at your school/office/community. Say, “I heard about a rape, and I’m concerned.”  If you know the victim, be their friend and steer them towards support systems.

Combat sexism before it gets to rape and assault. Jokes with women hating sentiments, movies that glorify rape, a society that teaches that we’re incapable, among so many other things I won’t even start in on, allow a culture of violence.  Start talking, and start education.

Need more info? Want help finding Support Systems?


1 Response to "We Get Blamed"

I thought this was pretty much on the same vein:

Also, I recently saw a show where they had a hidden camera in a restaurant, and they had two fake girls and a fake guy involved. The first girl was dressed “nicely” and while she went to the washroom, the fake guy puts something in her drink (quite obviously) and people react. They tell the girl that the man did something to her drink or grab it out of her hand and explain the situation. I think someone possibly chases the guy away.

Fast forward to the next experiment, they take a girl dressed “slutty” (not even that ‘slutty’ to be perfectly honest, I’ve seen some outfits), and they play out the same scenario. People have seen this guy actually PUT SOMETHING in her drink, but no one says anything. They let him take her away.

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